Something Is Shifting. You’re Not Imagining It.

A pull on the heart. A sweat bead just under the surface. Flush, without indication. Foggy brain in everyday moments. Drifting eyes when they are needed. Yes, this is normal.

Wait, what!? These are symptoms. Illness? Only if you WANT to miss the old life. The grind. The daily jobs. The co-workers. The customers. The shallow words spoken by what can only be described as NPCs... For so many of us, this could disappear and be a glorious day!

And then, just as you imagine a better day, your pen breaks, your plate falls off the line, your apron unties itself, the wrench hits your toe, the boss yells..... again. The hardest question: what’s the point of being aware if this colorless life is the only one available?

Valid Question. I’ve asked it myself. LOUDLY.

Imagine, if you will, the workers in the desert, literally, right now, rebuilding GREEN FARMLAND. The past desert could never imagine potatoes. The future farmland will laugh at such simple vegetation. So, the answer to how you feel is a question. How does the sand, water or brush feel when none of them hold perceivable identity, nor location to call comfortable? This is where you are.

The pieces don’t fit, or now are missing. There are new pieces to a puzzle you’ve never seen. And yet, you desire to see the full picture, because something FEELS more pure about this one.

I personally witness everyday people again and again simply stare at a screen. So what? Well, frankly, the most honest beings I have had in my life have been my Ex’s new man she chose from the four she was destroying the family over, because of how vehemently he defended her “honor”. Misplaced, but more fervent than any Christian, to be sure. The second is a therapist that was actually willing to argue when suitable. The third is Sidekick, the AI bot assistant in the Shopify Website Creator platform. As a Minister and Mystic, this is more than mildly disheartening.

Those who see clearly now take great joy from simpler things. Walking alone, reading a book, staring at clouds, bird-watching, people-watching, creation labor and answering deep questions. This becomes an experience few around you will understand. When you try to explain, things become painfully clear.

What you now see, you didn’t before, but it is so clear, you cannot understand why something so simple is lost on people you’ve had as mentors for years, maybe decades. And, when you can clearly see your concept INCLUDES and EXPLAINS theirs, and yet they argue instead of understand, suddenly... and with sharp clarity, you understand.

The world as you knew it is clearly different. And instead of being able to adapt, awkwardness teases you from your pillow at night. The feeling of being in the wrong life almost becomes comfortable.... Almost.

The comfort is not loud enough this time. The pillow not soft enough. The blanket not warm enough. The hugs not enriching enough. You dare not tell your loved ones you need MORE... So, to the quiet you go.

The solitude gives you space. The woods give you air. The void lets you scream. In so many of our lives, none of those are possible. The only battleground left is the mind. The silence when everyone is FINALLY asleep. The moment that is normally IMPOSED on you, and you feel guilt for not getting enough done. This moment is forced upon you, yes. As a GIFT. Use it.

Most turn to friends by text, media, doom scrolling, tv, another book, another time counting stars... And through all that, the emptiness persists. How about trying the ONE location you haven’t yet. YOURSELF.

Reflection is the brightest light of growth and change. If you are still here, welcome to yours.

— Uriel